Dear Greta and Peaches
by CarryonTotheWinterwinds
Summary: After almost dying of boredom, it's quite easy to do you know, Leo gets a potentially catastrophic idea and decides to drag Nico into it.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome one and all to my glorious first story! I'm Sirius guys, this is my very first fanfic on this account. So, if you have any comments, suggestions, flames, etc etc, please leave them in a review or PM. **

**Before I forget, thank you to the ever talented AshNox for being my muse and to the amazing Muggleborn Demigod for guiding me through all of this; this fanfic is hearby dedicated to you two!**

**FYI: Italics- Nico/Greta, Regular Text- Leo/Peaches**

**Disclaimer: Since I'm not a midfle-aged Texan with a glair for the dramatic, I do not own the PJO/HOO bookverse**

A Forced Introduction

Hello my dearest peasants!

_ Because of his lapse in better judgement, Chiron has decided to start a weekly newsletter._

And we're running the advice column!

_Since we're here, we better introduce ourselves. _

You go first, I'm feeling shy...

_As improbable as that is, fine. I have been forced to claim the alias of Greta. _

NOOOO, you have to say it with more sass!

_My name is Greta and I have more swag than your knockoff handbag. Happy now?_

Very. Okay, I am Peaches, Queen of Mean, Mama to Prada, a sista to a mista, the-

_Alright, alright, we get it. By the way, out of all the names you could've chosen, you picked Peaches. Why?_

Peaches are the food of the gods, plus it makes me seem more attractive!

_What drugs are you on? _

Ya know, the usual.

_As tempted as I am to respond to that, I have to cut this conversation short. Please send all questions and queries to Cabin 11, via Connor and Travis Stoll. _

Massive thanks to autocorrect for being such a bloody good bloke.

_That has to be the worst British accent I have ever seen._

Not like you can do any better!

_Wanna bet, little Miss Fruitcake?_

Oh you're on_ Gretel._


	2. Chapter 2: Love FerntasticFemale

**WARNING: RANT AHEAD, PLEASE SKIP IF YOU'D LIKE. **

**Okay, my WiFi connection is hanging on by a single thread, so I'm just going to speed write. My WiFi has been EVIL. IF YOU DON'T THINK THAT INANIMATE OBJECTS HAVE A PERCHANCE FOR VENGANCE, THEN YOU ARE SORELY MISTAKEN! IT HAS BEEN SHUTTING DOWN RANDOMLY FOR THE PAST THREE DAYS AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT! I SWEAR TO THE GODS, IF THIS HAPPENS ONE MORE TIME, BLOOD WILL BE SHED. Alright, now that THAT'S out of my system, enjoy your daily dose of odd, courtesy of me**

**DISCLAIMER: I still don't own this series, I wish I did though. Imagine what someone could do with an army of rabid fangirls at their disposal...**

****Dear Greta and Peaches,

Help. There's this guy who I've hated since forever. But now I don't loathe him completely. His cheesy jokes ( I mean this literally and figuratively) now seem kinda cute. And his hair! Oh my gods, I could write an angsty YoungAdult novel about those luscious locks! In fact, i'm quite tempted too...

Nope, stay with me girlfriend, I still need to ask The Big Question. Okay ladies (or men, you really can't tell right now), is this love? Or have I finally crossed the glittering bridge into insanity?

Love, FerntasticFemale


	3. Chapter 3: Dear Katie

**Hi everyone! Welcome to the third chapter of my SpecialSnowflake of a story, hope you don't i'm **_**too**_** crazy by the end of this chapter. Trust me, most of this was written around 2am on Saturday morning with a bottle of root beer and some popcorn, things are bound to get...interesting...**

**Oh! I also have exams this week so I **_**might**_** be able to update sooner, I don't know at this point. Here's the 'text key' for the chapter, just in case: Leo/Peaches- regular, Nico/Greta- italics**

**DISCLAIMER: I'm still not Richard Russell Riordan, so I don't own the PJO/HOO bookverse.**

Dear Katie,

Hi Katie!

_How are you today, Katie?_

Plant anything potentially dangerous, Katie?

_Declare your unrequited love for Travis yet, Katie?_

LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SALLOW JERK! That. Was. My. Line. Not yours, mine. ¿Entiende usted, Conde Drácula de los nombres patéticos?

_Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. And yes, I understand Madame Fruitcake. _

What the Hades?! Since when can you speak Spanish?!

_What do you think I do in my free time? Study the mating habits of a unicorn?_

Er, no comment. Please, carry on.

_That's what I thought. I apologize for my "college", she's still carrying on about... certain things that I shall not mention in polite company. _

Shut up, no one likes you. _Anyway,_ you're very bad at picking names.

_You should let Travis pick the baby names, okay?_

I mean, FerntasticFemale? That's pathetic, even by my standards.

_Oh._

You're wondering how we know it's you, aren't yah?

_Its quite easy actually. _

Camp hasn't seen so much sexual tension since Percabeth arrived.

_I agree. So now that the SS Tratie has set sail-_

We can find a new couple to mess with.

_So our advice is-_

Keep on playing hard to get!

_And don't forget to flirt. Flirting is a must-have in this situation. Trust me, I know what i'm talking about._

Quick question, how? And why is your alias _Greta_ of all names?

_That's two questions you idiot and just because I hang out with you doesn't mean I'm forever alone like someone I won't mention._

Ooh, that was a low blow. And you still haven't answered my question, why Greta?

_Isn't it obvious? Greta as in Greta Garbo,a Swedish film actress and an international star and icon during Hollywood's silent and classic periods. Do you even have a brain?_

Woah nelly, we gots ourselves a fangirl on our hands!

_As if you don't obsess over everything and anything concerning Robert Downey Jr._

At least he's attractive unlike Greta Garbage!

_And this concludes this week's Dear Greta and Peaches, 20% advice, 80% rambling. Please send everything to the Stoll brothers, they're our new interns._

Later losers, i'm going to get my hair curled.

_Once again, no comments from me._

What? Do you think these voluptuous curls just happen? No! They are a product of hard work and dedication!

_Why do I even bother? _

Yours in drachmas-_I wish- _and demigodness -_is that even a word?-_

_Greta _and Peaches

**If bet less that half of you guys can tell me what Leo said without using Google Translate :)**


End file.
